I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And then he peed in my hair
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