That's intense
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize