were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
