i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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