my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize