Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
