remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize