I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
