nut hugger
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
