she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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