the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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