flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
