Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
...so i touched it.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
