Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
