I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
