Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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