id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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