I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
well you can't waste a boner
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
