Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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