sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
