I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
