Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
