Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
