This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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