apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Too much gin, very little bucket
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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