I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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