i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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