I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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