That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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