Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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