Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
