There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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