I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
