I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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