AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
