Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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