She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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