walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
