I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish I only lived at night.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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