he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
