dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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