How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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