So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
In America we eat man semen.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
