If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
