nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
