Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It was confusing and full of hummus
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
