apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
