a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
