U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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