At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
