Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
