That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
