I hate your face
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So many bounce houses so little time
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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