Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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