Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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