I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
