96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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