how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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