She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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