No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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