Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
there is glitter all over my balls
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