If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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