ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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