after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
