i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
