Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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