Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
