His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
